this is what my subconscious sounds like …

A // W // F

 

Insomnia Diaries — 7/20/2014

  

if i should be
transformed

then oh — let the gods make me
a bird

to sing my secrets to the ear
unheard.

*

at night the bush below my window
burns —

the nest inside
catching like tinder.

one small bird leaps up,
alight, feathers on fire,

its body beating and beating
against my windowpane

its song one long scream
that tears through my sleep.

*

in the dream that comes later,
it breaks the glass —

(a fist)

(a torch)

and goes careening room to room,
setting the whole house

ablaze.

///

 

{A note on the text:  The excerpt above is part of a brief series on living with insomnia, and it’s taken from my personal Insomnia Diaries … a collection of post-midnight scribblings that help me understand what’s going on in my sleep-deprived brain.

This is darker than my usual fare, and — if I’m being honest — I hesitated to post it.  I am sharing, however, in the hopes that my words might help you understand the insomniac in your life just a little bit better.

And another thing: the subconscious can be a scary place, but it has much to teach us.

For that I’m grateful. ❤ }

25 Comments

  2. You say that this is darker than your usual fare, and perhaps that’s true… I can’t imagine what it is like to be the one experiencing the insomnia and in whose mind these words and images form… But they are absolutely captivating. The flow of the stanzas and the way you describe the movement of the fiery bird leaves me speechless.

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    1. I’m glad you enjoyed them, Lulu!

      It’s funny, but for me, writing out the images is therapeutic, and I always feel like, if I can get the words right and do the images proper justice, they won’t return to haunt me again.

      Which generally seems to be true.

      Hope you’re having a lovely day — it’s cold here again, but there’s so much green and so many things blooming that I couldn’t possibly complain. 🙂

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      1. I woke up to a ground covered in snow yesterday! The juxtaposition of the sparkling white against the bright pink cherry blossoms made me feel like I was in some sort of fairytale land. But then, I wrote a poem about it! It was only about four lines long and not very good, but considering that it’s been ten or fifteen years since I wrote any poetry, just nudging that part of me seems like a big deal. I think a bigger nudge comes from being inspired by what I read here. Thank you for sharing that piece of your soul.

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        1. Ohmygoodness Lulu, hearing that just makes my day!!

          Thank you for sharing that. I love that you’re writing poetry again, and especially that you’re writing it for *you.*

          Keep writing. You never know where it might take you. 🙂

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    1. I’m glad you enjoyed! And I know what you mean.

      I don’t want to live in that place, but I think it’s critical to acknowledge it, and to try to understand it. Makes us healthier & more balanced people, for sure.

      Happy day to you! 🙂

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  7. You’ve mentioned Insomnia before. Could it just be that you need less sleep than others? (I wish I could sleep only four hours a night!)
    Ps. Well, my Dear, I feel like I’ve caught up with you. My last few weeks have been a bit hectic, and I was wondering where you’d gone. (Somewhere in the meanders of WP’s connections) Now I am glad to sense that you are doing fine. (I think)
    Be good, Alpha Zulu

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    1. Ah, friend. Life is good. I’ve been in the midst of quite a few transitions, and I’m a little exhausted, but it’s good. 🙂

      Thank you for looking out for me! Hope all is well on your side of the world! 🙂

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      1. Transitions are good. And I’m glad U r good. Here all is fine. Our eldest daughter Alexandra just gave birth to a baby boy. OMG, a grandfather! 😉 (Baby, mother and everyone are fine)

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